5 Lists for People Who Need to Feel Included Among People Who Have Lists

5 Things I Say Way Too Often

  1. Do you need to go pee pee?
  2. Do you need to go pee pee?
  3. Do you need to go pee pee?
  4. Enough with the fucking Band Aids already.
  5. Is that pee pee?

5 Things I Hear Way Too Often

  1. Mommy, wipe my butt!
  2. I want a banana.
  3. I broke the banana.
  4. Mommy, fix the banana.
  5. I want a banana.

1 Thing My Husband Never Says

Do you mind if I use your towel?

5 Foods I Can Eat My Weight In 

  1. Avocados.
  2. Pasta.
  3. Olives.
  4. Anchovies.
  5. Wine. (Shut up. That is a food.)

2 Things You Should Never Say to the Author of This Post

  1. Is this supposed to be funny?
  2. I ate all the pasta.

photo-88

 

This post is also published on Huffington Post.

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This entry was posted in Family Life, Humor, It's All About Me, New York City Living and Coping, Parenting Moments, Writing and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to 5 Lists for People Who Need to Feel Included Among People Who Have Lists

  1. We have the banana conversation way too much in my house! Too funny! Thx for the giggle!

  2. Aleta says:

    Most often heard in my house right now.. “RPS” for who gets the dirty diaper!

  3. Don’t forget “Are we there yet?” Great list!

  4. heathlambie says:

    I literally laughed out loud at the Band Aids one. I have said those EXACT words more than once. What IS it about Band Aids? They are not stickers, dammit! And wine has calories, therefore (at the very least) it counts as a food replacement.

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