To My New Mom Self

You will lose the weight. I know it’s been six weeks and you still can’t get your khakis over your knees. But you will lose the weight. You will be wearing maternity clothes for a while. Maybe longer than other women. Stop fighting it because it won’t be forever. And then you can go shopping.

You will not hurt the baby. You may be worried about it. Picturing, even, horrible things happening. Pushing the stroller into traffic. Throwing her out the window. It’s normal to have terrible thoughts. It’s not just you. But you will not hurt her. You aren’t insane.

Breastfeeding isn’t that big of a deal. I know that’s hard to believe and that you have fifteen books that say otherwise. I know everyone who has ever had a baby, known a baby, or been a baby wants to talk to you about breastfeeding. You are trying. Maybe you aren’t trying your hardest. Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be your goal. You will both be fine if you never become that mom who nurses in Starbucks while ordering a decaf vanilla chai tea.

Your husband can’t understand. Don’t blame him for that. And when you do blame him, forgive him. His everyday life hasn’t changed very much, but that isn’t his fault. He’s worried about you and the baby. He isn’t trying to be an asshole. You will like him again.

It won’t always be this hard. Well, it will always be hard, but don’t worry about that now. It won’t be like this. The bottles, the pumping, the constant diapers, the nighttime feedings, the crying, the sadness, the fights in the middle of the night, the regrets, the fear. You will all get better at this.

You will make friends. You will wear your old bras again. You will feel like yourself. And you will never be the same.

One day you will meet another new mom whose eyes are red from crying, who looks desperate, whose hair hasn’t been brushed in days, who’s wearing the same black yoga pants that she came home from the hospital in. Except now they’re inside out and backwards. Most people won’t want to go near her. But you will approach her with a smile, make cute noises at her infant–who is covered in baby acne and cradle cap. And you–dressed in your skinny jeans and boots, your kids now in school all day, your laptop in your messenger bag because you are so busy these days–you will ask her how she is doing.

You will want to do it all again.

This entry was posted in Family Life, It's All About Me, Mental health, New York City Living and Coping, Parenting Moments. Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to To My New Mom Self

  1. Lauren says:

    Love this!!!! And you have the cutest babies ever!!!

  2. Ali says:

    I could relate to everything except the “want to do it all again” part. But then again Teddy is only 10 months old.

  3. Andrea says:

    I cannot express enough how timely this blog post was for me. I am currently going through postpartum depression after the birth of my second child (she just turned three months old), and I was so grateful to read that I’m not alone in this – and that it does get better! Not sure how I originally found your blog but you are a great writer. Keep the posts coming!
    P.S. I grew up in the same neighborhood you’re in now. Recognized it immediately from the pics. I just might have to give you a shout out if I ever see you around the oval 🙂

    • yes, please do that! I am so glad you liked this– and thank you for the support. It means so much to me! I hope that you are also able to reach out for help. You deserve it!

      • Andrea says:

        My mom’s been coming out to NJ from Stuy Town every weekday to help me out. Talk about love 🙂 And yes, it’s all getting better. Slowly but surely. Learning not to put a timeline on things and just enjoy the hell out of these munchkins without any preconceived notions of how it should go. Oh yeah, and therapy helps too, lol.

  4. I absolutely love every last bit of this!

    Every. Last. Bit.

  5. Brianne says:

    Oh Wendy, your last three posts have made me cry! Thank you for writing the real of what goes on in our heads!!! You are the best!!! Loved them!! xx Brianne

  6. Emily says:

    Wend, So true and you captured it all so well in this post!!!!! Miss you and love you! XOXO Em

  7. Christine says:

    This is such a beautiful post. It’s so true – I never thought that I would claw my way out of those first few days but I did. And then I wanted to do it all over again.

  8. Shannon says:

    Love this — so touching — definitely have tears in my eyes this morning. Simply beautiful — and it should be published in a guide somewhere for every new mom!

  9. Laura says:

    My husband sent me your blog, and I can´t stop reading it.
    Love this writting, it made me cry!. (bloody hormons)

  10. maya says:

    I found your blog through Huffington Post, started reading on my commute to work and was in tears (happy, emotional, bittersweet) through most of my bus ride. Beautiful writing that rings very true. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your beautiful family. By the way–when my twins were born, “It Won’t Always Be This Hard” was my daily (if not hourly!) mantra. And you are so right–it’s still hard (they’re almost 18 months) but it’s hard in different ways (I have four kids all together, so…)
    That picture of you sleeping with the baby is just precious. Talk about a keeper (the picture and the baby! 🙂

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